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ROFLMA….aieeee!!
Posted by Hazel Stone | Filed under Buttinskis, Idiot Legislation
Sooo, where were we?
Oh yeah…nanny-staters wasting our time and money with mind-bogglingly moronic legislation:
The Illinois General Assembly bill, also known as HB 4520, was introduced in January by Rep. Ken Dunkin (D- Chicago), who then insisted: “This legislation is not laughable. On the surface it’s like, ‘Oh wow, what is this?’ But it’s becoming more and more of a common problem with people haplessly crossing an intersection and almost killing themselves.”
Oh, yes, Kenny…it IS laughable. You are, in effect, saying that people are now officially too helpless to walk themselves across the street. Does your constituency often enjoy being called stupid? You should go ask them.
Under the proposed law, Illinois residents would get slapped with a misdemeanor and a $25 fine if caught using a cell phone or other wireless device while traversing streets.
Well, THAT should deter them, for sure. I know 25 whole dollars would put a mighty big hole in my, er…daily Starbuck’s fund.
“The secretary headed a task force on driver safety, and this issue came up, and he was intrigued by the idea,” said David Drucker, a spokesman for Secretary of State White’s office. “He’s seen a couple of instances of [walking and texting] himself. Right now, though, he feels that it needs more study.”
I’m going to go out on a limb here in predicting that Secretary of State Jesse White is eleventy million years old, and thinks “texting” is some newfangled method of walking a cat, which as we all know is quite dangerous, hence this vital bit of legislation.
It is just baffling, honestly, that the combination of walking plus pushing little buttons on a small electronic device seems to equal DISASTER! I suppose if gravity had a habit of erratically responding, then yes, it might be something to fret over. Or if people had horny plates and/or actual spikes on their chitinous exoskeletons instead of being quite squishy in most spots, bumping into them could indeed be somewhat hazardous.
No, it’s just the very same overreaction all of our overpaid, underbrained hirelings are prone to, a DNA-level bit of programming that demands they justify their existence no matter how desperate and far-reached the method.
Last August, a train struck and injured a teenager in Elmwood Place, Ohio, as he sent a text message from his cell phone. Oblivious to the train’s horns, he walked around crossing gates. The town’s dumbfounded mayor said that “the kid was apparently just daydreaming.”
I, for one, am glad that individual will not be adding his genetic material to the future of our species, and you should be too.
Let’s face it, people. If you cannot walk and do at least one other thing, sending a text message included, without injuring yourself or others, then you’re urgently needed in the Opposable Thumb Return Department.
Tags: death of common sense, point and laugh
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July 31st, 2008
FLUNKIN DUNKIN! After reading the article I’m alarmed that a State Representative who’s district is facing so many serious problems is spending his time introducing such unnecessary legisltaion. It’s not laughable, it’s just plain irresponsible. Ken Dunkin should be more concerned with the children being killed on his streets and the state’s buget crisis rather than the texting habbits of Chicago’s walkers. What’s he going to take on next, J walking?!
-Dan Balanoff
August 1st, 2008
I am increasingly of the opinion that there are those in positions of power or influence who seek to cause hysteria in the American public not because they can, and not to justify their phoney baloney jobs, but with one or more specific purposes, dare I say, agendas.
I’m not saying there’s an organized conspiracy at work. Just a lot of self-interested, evil men who happen to have a similarity of goals and practices. They feed and feed off of each other, whipping the general populace into a frenzy over nonsensical things, maybe as a distraction. Gas prices? Who cares? Britney had a mole removed!
In the words of a late, great Bill Hicks, they’re tainting the collective unconscious and preventing us from evolving as thinking, spiritual entities.
In other words, they’re doing this bullshite on purpose.
August 4th, 2008
I grew up in Southern Illinois — a very different place from urban Chicago. Some time ago, I came to the realization that I will likely never move back to my home state. I feel kind of like I’m watching an elderly relative die a slow death. I hope that the citizens of Illinois will snap out of their decline, but as long as the entire state is run as a suburb of Chicago, I doubt it will happen.