The One Where Ted Forgot to Post Until 10:30PM
Posted by Ted Bronson | Filed under Patriot's Journey
Today was a busy day here as Casa de la Ligne. Hazel and I worked in the yard. About a week ago Boychild and I were taking a drive over to the comic book store after the barbershop. Boychild was feeling put upon that his mother was insisting he get a haircut since there were only two weeks left of the school year. I took this opportunity to tell him one of the Guy Rules: Wives and mothers feel like the appearance and presentability of their husband and children are a reflection upon themselves. Guys of course have a similar Guy Rule: Guys feel like the appearance and presentability of their YARD is a reflection on them.
My little yard is a garden out back, as Hazel has mentioned to anyone who will listen. She is right to be proud of it. We have done a heap o’ work in the hot, hot, heat of central Floriday to make it so. But the front yard is mine. I fertilize and put down weed suppressant every two months, because if I did it more often, the grass would take over the neighborhood. (If I did it less often, the weeds would take over my yard.) Every three months I use a commercial grade insecticide. (It still doesn’t keep the fireants completely out, but limits their damage.) But just so you don’t think I am a chemical-using hypno-droid under the power of Bayer, Ortho, et.al., keep in mind that I also spread milorganite, iron, composted cow manure, and several other organics all designed to add trace minerals to the soil, provide nutrients for the beneficial worm (and yes, even beetle) population, and enhance the root growth of the lawn and plantings so as to use LESS water, by far than my neighbors. I have never had a problem with cinch bugs, fungal growth, over-thatching, brownspot, etc. The key of course is in knowing how and when to cut the grass short and when to cut it long.
I generally only cut my grass short every three months. This allows the grass to become more mature, make longer roots, respirate more efficiently, and gives the grass time to make plenty of seed heads for future growth. When I do cut it short, it is because I am making an application of something or other and want the grasses to be a little bit stressed and in need so that they reach for what I am giving them more readily.
Mine is the only grass in my neighborhood to be healthy, weed-free, and green all year. And NOT because I water it with the sprinklers every night like many of my neighbors. My sprinklers come on once a week for about twenty minutes. The local water authority, known not so affectionately as “Swiftmud” has deemed that lawn watering once a week is de rigeur . (Unless you are growing produce or have new plantings, but is otherwise ‘verboten.’ ) Of course, they will not come out and check at two a.m. to see who is or isn’t breaking this ‘mandatory guideline,’ so they ask the HOA’s of each community to report on violators. RIIIIGHT. Because the typical HOA is so very likely to require that the yards in their neighborhood look like crap.
Instead, my grass, as well as my flowers and shrubs and trees, look wonderful because I take care of them. A healthy yard full of grass will have fewer weeds because weeds find it hard to complete. A healthy yard will have fewer pests, fewer fungal diseases, and fewer vermin than a yard where the damn sprinklers run every night and the homeowner never bothers to even put out any compost with a spreader. And a healthy yard has long grass.
By now you are wondering how this at all relates to the Patriot’s Journey theme.
Think of it like this. Freedom and responsibility go hand-in-hand. If you give a lawn too much of anything, even something that is good for it, you will poison the soil. If you starve your lawn of things it needs that you aren’t aware of, you leave yourself open for disease and parasites. If you try to substitute limiting the growth of your lawn by artificial means, you don’t get good root growth so that the grass can’t hold on to the soil when the heavy rains come or will blow away when it gets too hot. You must be a steward of your freedoms in much the same way. I think you, Gentle Reader, can draw your own parallels.
The hardest part in maintaining the best looking lawn on the block is balancing all the parts correctly. Well, that, and trying to keep the HOA off your back for letting the grass get a little long haired occasionally.
This is a Patriot’s Journey post. Remember to check out the other Patriotic Journeyers: Drumwaster, The Bastage, Inessential Musings, and The Edge of Reason
Tags: Patriot's Journey
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June 2nd, 2008
I hate you.
My front lawn, the one that’s been the envy of the neighborhood for 3 years now, has turned 80% brown. I’m not sure it’s coming back this time.
Next time, I’m getting the fake crap.