Screw, You
Posted by Mike Hendrix | Filed under Buttinskis, Public Servants?
Is there NO aspect of life the green Puritans won’t try to lecture us on, take the fun out of, and, ultimately, control? Guess not:
So you eat organic food and practice conservation in your daily life-but have you ever stopped to think about how your sex life impacts the environment? There are a number of ways you can improve upon your sex life’s impact, and many of them are great for your health as well. Here, we’ve highlighted 27 of the most fun and easy ways to be healthier, sexier, and greener.
Some of my personal faves:
Take advantage of the temperature: In the winter, let your thermostat go down low and use the coolness as an excuse to warm each other up. You can set a romantic fire and cuddle to keep warm. Don’t let hot weather keep you apart, either. In the summer, cool each other off with ice cubes.
What, the mud huts you killjoys think we all ought to be living in are equipped with central air? Alternatively, you could just bite me.
Wear green lingerie: Eco-friendly lingerie can be very attractive. There’s a wide variety of sexy, eco-friendly lingerie made from organic cotton and bamboo.
Yeah. Right. Sorry, babe, but all the smarm, sanctimony, and grass skirts in the world ain’t gonna replace spandex, nylon, and good old leather.
Watch eco-porn: Yes, such a thing actually exists.
Well, damn. Now I’m not horny, I’m depressed.
Use smart balls: Smart balls are made of a hygenically safe material that’s free of phtalates and non, porous, so they’re safe for regular use. They’re essentially two balls with smaller metal balls inside that vibrate whenever you move.
And are pretty famous, at least among most of the women I’ve ever known, for not doing a damned thing worth bothering about.
DIY: Save money and manufacturing waste by making sex toys on your own.
Great idea! After all, what could possibly be sexier than this?
If you’re a member of the Borg Collective, I mean. Which, come to think of it, most green-weenies are.
Recycle your toys: Once you’re done with your sex toys, don’t just throw them away. Dispose of them properly, or even better, recycle them.
Y’know, I’ve always figured that’s one of the ways some sex-toy outlets stay in business: the obligatory replacement of the entire contents of the secret joy-box under the bed after every breakup. But hey, you greenies go ahead and try those used dildos on your hairy-pitted cavewomen; the smarter ones will finally consider re-establishing at least a nodding acquaintance with reality. The ones who don’t mind, well, those you can keep.
(Hat tip to Bubba)
Tags: eco-weirdness, point and laugh
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May 22nd, 2008
And here I thought the green wienies would be AGAINST sex with the extra oxygen consumed, CO2 produced, extra KCal energy consumed and of course the risk of creating another carbon footprint.
May 22nd, 2008
This is hilarious.
“Recycle your toys: Once you’re done with your sex toys, don’t just throw them away. Dispose of them properly, or even better, recycle them.”
Damn, for a moment I thought it would be”hand them down to …” well, not your children. Depending on how old they are. Could make a nice 18th birthday gift.
May 29th, 2008
[...] tell you how to have sex, just who not to have it with. I found this disturbing post at The Line Is Here. Now the green goblins are telling us how to have sex, and that we have to manufacture our own toys [...]